Archive for the ‘family’ Category
Calculus
Posted in family, Imagery, poetry, tagged Bill Griffin, family, Michael Dechane, nature photography, NC Poets, poetry, Southern writing, The Long Invisible on May 30, 2025| 2 Comments »
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[with 3 poems by Michael Dechane]
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Something So Obvious
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In the hardest days
with their outstretched nights,
whatever is beautiful
in the world recedes.
Light leaches from everything
we see, then. We can’t touch
ordinary goodnesses we might have
let buoy us. All of it fails. Sometimes,
we have to begin again
with something so obvious
and tired as the sunrise.
The wind in long grass.
The light holding back
our eyes from what is under
the surface of the water.
Then, the same light giving
a wrinkled glimpse of stones,
silt, and dark fronds waving
when we shift our stance
half a pace, or even turn
the angle of our face.
Some belief that goodness keeps,
that it might come back one day –
what could that mean today
when there is only the sun
returning in a flat peach wash,
the burning usher of another
Tuesday, coming in with the clanks
and grinding sounds of the city
shaking itself off, reanimating?
A waking we might observe
in colors we may discern
as all the life we lost burns out
of sight, beyond us now, as memory.
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Michael Dechane
from The Long Invisible, Wildhouse Poetry, an imprint of Wildhouse Publishing. © 2024
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If nothing else will happen
to witness so much alive
may be enough. . . .
from New Year’s Day
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How much joy would it take to counterbalance the suffering of your normal lifespan? How would you quantify it, inchoate summation of glad moments over time divided by accrued heartache, grief, shame? What calculus might determine that life is worth living?
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Last week in California a 26-year old man blew up a fertility clinic and himself. In an online manifest he described himself as “pro-mortalist.” Life is not worth living – bringing new life into the world is a crime. He is an extreme example of adherents of radical utilitarian philosophy. To achieve “the greatest good for the greatest number,” when society burns in chaos and personal joy is not to be found, when “good” is a rare and even unattainable commodity, the calculus of this logic dictates that numbers must be slashed. Decimated.
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How much joy would it take? This morning I lean against the kitchen counter while my son stirs a pot on the stove. He is making his special stone-ground grits, with butter and cream, to take to Granddaddy in the nursing home. We talk about Granddaddy and my son’s reluctance to visit him, to open up to him. We talk about food and the kids and what remarkables we’ve each seen in the woods lately. For half an hour we are simply present for each other.
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How much joy? My son is cooking in my kitchen because he now lives here with me. His marriage of twenty-three years has dissolved. Who can fathom the grief and shame he feels? My grief is bottomless. What can balance such an emptiness? Tonight my son’s daughter will visit to flip cartwheels in our front yard and help my son at the grill. She will pretend to be the maitre d’hotel while she sets the table on the porch and takes our orders. We will eat together. Soon he will drive her home and read Harry Potter before she falls asleep.
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Why must there be any calculus at all? Throw it out. This moment is enough.
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Meditation on the Heart
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And then, one day, you see
the copper teakettle on the stove
settled on its iron throne, precisely
in its place in the kitchen landscape.
Where, all these years, it has been
let’s not say faithfully. Not exactly.
But in its home, hallowed within
a scene so familiar it seems known.
The faint blue streaks of verdigris,
even the dullness of the handle,
become beautiful in this long-arriving
moment of recognition. Beneath
its dinge in the pockets of its dents glows
an undiminished gleam. Every morning
it has been lifted, filled, and carried.
Each day, it pours,. But you so rarely
touch it between its burning hours. Now
it is you that is filled as you long
for what you cannot see or say but sing.
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Michael Dechane
from The Long Invisible, Wildhouse Poetry, an imprint of Wildhouse Publishing. © 2024
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At first the poems of The Long Invisible overpower me with sadness. I have to stop after each page and inventory my own life. I grieve for the inhabitants of these lines. I recall a poem by David Manning – Where does the fire go / when it goes out? Do our mistakes extinguish all the good we’ve ever done? Or that we’ve experienced?
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I am rubbish at meditation. As soon as I try to sit in the moment all my failures and painful moments of the past jostle in beside me. Better to read a book of poems like Michael’s. Every moment is true. Pain and epiphany commingle. Here comes a bear, and wild flora, pelicans, all the things we love together. And love itself proves it is no stranger. Here it flares, even when we thought it had gone out.
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We may be rubbish at love, but love is good at us. It doesn’t weigh the balance or work the calculus to some final solution. We only have to give love such a small piece of ourselves. Like poets do. Like this poet does, whose book in what it reveals and what it shares gives us not just a bit of himself but a bit of each one of us as well. Which must certainly be the greatest gift of all.
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The Long Invisible by Michael Dechane is available from Wildhouse Poetry.
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What I’ve Come to Love
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The texture of finely grated ginger.
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Fernet’s herbal alchemy,
its tincture when I close the day.
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All the surprising variegations in a cloud.
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And seven black cows my neighbor keeps.
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Some modest disappointments –
the kind that help me
know I’ve asked too much
and not enough.
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Those parts of myself I kept
locked up on a kind of death row.
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A list that needs
to interrupt me into attentiveness.
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How this, a poem,
can move me beyond
what I knew, then further,
past what I can imagine.
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I’ve come to love portals
into universes that do not exist
until we say they do.
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Whoever you are, I love
your power. I hope it gives life
and sustains goodness for you, and everyone
connected to you: every one of us.
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I know that I’ve come to love
may not love me back
yet. May I keep on loving
then. Keep practicing on stones,
long grass in the grips of a wind,
water, every way that it might be.
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What a help that will be to me
as I turn, at last, to you.
The one I could not know
I was meant and made to love.
I am a stranger, a faceless other,
but you have invited me in.
You give me this time with you.
Forgive me for not believing sooner
in the gift of generosity,
in the hospitable spirit you have
harbored within, all these years, for us.
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Michael Dechane
from The Long Invisible, Wildhouse Poetry, an imprint of Wildhouse Publishing. © 2024
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Cut Flowers
Posted in family, poetry, tagged Bill Griffin, family, Finishing Line Press, Gail Peck, imagery, In the Shadow of Beauty, NC Poets, poetry, Southern writing on February 21, 2025| 4 Comments »
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[with 3 poems by Gail Peck]
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Prayer
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Please let me see
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the cow’s big eyes
the goldenrod
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the coffee in my cup
turning color with cream
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all that painters have made
stone sculpture in a field
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family photographs
old letters
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poems and stories
that funny looking bug
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I can’t catch
how to read the clouds
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if there’s a bee in the flower
I lean to
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color of fruit
sheen of silk
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what time it is
my bright painted toes
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label on the wine bottle
I like to study
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how full to pour my glass
word and words and words
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and faces of those I love
yes mostly those
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Gail Peck
from In the Shadow of Beauty, Finishing Line Press, Georgetown KY; © 2025
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The question is not what you look at, but what you see.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ — Henry David Thoreau
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Toward the end I took over the ritual, but when had it begun? I had never paid much attention to the cut flowers in the vase on the dining room table until I became complicit in their procurement. When Dad relinquished driving . . . correction, when we made Dad give up driving at age 96, it fell to one of us to take him to Trader Joe’s every week for flowers. Mom came along with us as long as she was physically able – was she choosing the flowers she liked or the ones Dad wanted her to choose?
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When it became too much to shepherd two elders on walkers and still push a shopping cart, it became just Dad doing the choosing. Same variety every week, pink or mauve Alstroemeria, Peruvian Lily – I truly think Mom would have been equally happy with anything from TJ’s lush bank of bouquets, but these in particular held their petals longer, according to Dad. Most blooms would last until next week’s shopping, and even then Dad would order us to separate out any stems that still seemed fresh. Thrifty. A good provider. The manager in charge. My Dad. The flowers were one last affirmation of his life-long identity.
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What do we see when we look at another person’s life? We are adrift in the ocean of “Why did she do that?” and “Why does he act that way?” Rocked by chop and foam, no safe or simple way to dive deep, a fathomless conversation. We observe from arm’s length how the one we love reacts, their judgements and choices, but the water is opaque; what impulse impels the rudder? Did Dad keep flowers on the table to make Mom happy, or did he do it to feel happy about being seen to be making Mom happy?
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During the last months Mom lived I brought her flowers from my own gardens. First Lenten Rose (Hellebore) and Redbud branches, then Daffodils and Narcissus that kept blooming for a solid month. As the weather warmed I shared Beebalm and Anise Hyssop my son-in-law had started for me in his greenhouse, then the cavalcade of Asters, Black-Eyed Susans giving way to Marigolds and Zinnias, the first year I’d planted such. I think I brought them every week to make Mom happy, a last chance for a final gift just from me. But I think I was also incredulous that my lackadaisical gardening could produce such bounty – I was showing off.
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I would place a few long stems in a fluted vase on the tiny kitchen table where Mom read the comics each morning; another small vase beside her accustomed seat on the couch; finally all vases came to rest beside her bed where she spent most of her final weeks. It never failed. She would, with effort, turn her head and spy my offering. Then she would look at me and smile.
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Leaving
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Once you are left
you are always left
a clock ticking backwards
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You tried to crawl out the window
when your father packed his suitcase
and were pulled back
You opened the door
and ran after the car until breathless
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Why does the sound of a train whistle
not make you sad when one
took your mother away for months
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Perhaps because your grandmother
played The Lonesome Railroad Blues
on her harmonica and the dog danced
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The calendar nailed to the wall
turned one month over another
until winter was gone
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Daffodils bloomed the dogwood
reopened Christ’s wounds
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Curious girl who gathered flowers
from fields and pulled petals
from daisies – he loves me, he . . .
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Gail Peck
from In the Shadow of Beauty, Finishing Line Press, Georgetown KY; © 2025
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Your family, like mine, has stories you break out at every gathering, dust off, polish up, and share good as new. I’m sure Dad is glad we finally quit telling the one about him breaking a full bottle of ketchup at the diner in Parkersburg, West Virginia when we were teenagers. Then again there are probably any number of stories that deserve more retellings than they get. Stories make us a family. What will happen to the stories that no one keeps alive?
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Gail Peck’s In the Shadow of Beauty tells stories that make a family. The stories are cut flowers and lace, and they are rancid wounds and meanness. The people we want to love can hurt us the most. The people we want to hold onto forever will all leave us in time. We seek meaning by revisiting and reliving the turning points as well as the ho-hum trivial passages that have somehow hooked themselves into our memory. For most people, we will never truly grasp their intent or purpose, but when we’re brave enough to re-experience how they have affected us, we might discover our own purpose.
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Gail often uses photographs of her family, which capture a single moment without judgement or commentary, to rekindle events to which she then applies the art of poetic commentary and judgement. This book is their lives as well as hers. At one point Gail admits she does not know where the ashes of her sister are scattered but she still wants hers to mingle with them. She reveals her bonds with her mother as a many-faceted jewel, some faces bright crystal but others tarnished. And Gail inspires me to keep visiting, keep remembering, keep looking and never be satisfied that I have seen all there is to see in my own stories and my family’s. As she confesses in Arranging Flowers:
I can’t cut a flower without thinking of her,
and I may go again to place some
on her grave, but I’ll have no desire
to continue. Once you sever the stems
you know to make the most of it,
and isn’t that why we love them,
their beauty, the petals that will fall.
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In the Shadow of Beauty, poems by Gail Peck, is available from Finishing Line Press HERE
Enjoy poems from an earlier book by Gail Peck, The Braided Light, at last week’s issue of VERSE & IMAGE
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Past Tense
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How quickly it passes
from is to was
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from has to had –
as quick as a bird
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flies from a windowsill –
you hear its song
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but no longer see it.
They’d slit her gown
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up the back
to spread beneath her.
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Small, embroidered roses
at the top with beads
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in each center.
The eyes don’t totally close
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near the end
and once the hands cooled
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we knew
and I know almost no Bible verses
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but it came to me
when they removed the body
And the peace of God, which surpasses
all understanding
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for she was a godly woman,
my mother.
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Dress her in pink
with the white lace blouse
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for she loved white –
white of the lily, white of the clouds.
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Gail Peck
from In the Shadow of Beauty, Finishing Line Press, Georgetown KY; © 2025
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Thanks Les. Witness to the pain and the joy. ---B